jwz - My Happy Place: Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones.

jwz - My Happy Place: Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones.

jwz

			www.jwz.org
			userinfo
			archive
			rss

Links

[	»	\|	[DNA Lounge] [Blog] [iCal]	]
[	»	\|	[DNA Lounge Legal Defense Fund]	]
[	»	\|	[WebCollage] [LJ WebCollage]	]

My Happy Place: Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones.

[Thu, 8-Jan-2009 1:53 AM]

[	Tags	\|	dnalounge, doomed, grim meathook future	]
[	music	\|	The Cure -- One Hundred Years	]

When I woke up this morning, among the first things I saw was Warren Ellis's missive on Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones. It is a beautiful thing. Today it is my happy place. Allow me to explain.

The great northern coast of Russia is inside the Arctic Circle, and the shoreline is hundreds of miles from civilisation almost the whole way along. Lighthouses were required for the coast, because it's a handy passage but it spends a hundred days of the year in near-permanent night. The problems were that they'd be miles from anywhere, and couldn't realistically be supplied or crewed.
So the Russians erected autonomous nuclear-powered lighthouses. Which worked great, until the collapse of the Soviet Union. In fact, they probably would have been fine after that, if people hadn't looted them for copper and anything else that looked like it wasn't nailed down too hard. Including, apparently, reactor shielding. So many of these great polar nuclear lighthouses are now radioactive deadzones.

This concept brought me so much joy, for an hour after reading this, I was in a multi-hour meeting with my lawyer and my lobbyist, and every time someone said something... horrible... I went to my happy place: Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones. For example: "You're completely fucked!", they might say. "Mmmmm... Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones," I might think. "That's so wonderfully grim-meathooky! Wow! Oh wait, what were you saying?"

It got me through the day. Thanks, Warren.

link

Comments:

From:

laptop006
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 10:12 AM (UTC)

(Link)

You have a lobbyist? Just against the city, Sacremento or all the way to DC?

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

jesus_x
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 10:24 AM (UTC)

(Link)

No no, to the UN. At least until they give him a seat in the General Assembly.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

inhumandecency
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 5:43 PM (UTC)

(Link)

I very specifically do not want a man whose happy place involves nuclear dead zones to have a lobbyist.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

whohou
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 7:18 PM (UTC)

please accept this shroom!

(Link)

Ah; lighten up.. "See it from the bright side," (or whatever..)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

pozorvlak
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 9:41 AM (UTC)

(Link)

I think that may be a large part of why he needs a lobbyist.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

elusis
Sat, 10-Jan-2009 6:26 AM (UTC)

(Link)

I can think of no one who should have a lobbyist more.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

quercus
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 3:25 PM (UTC)

(Link)

It gets even better at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radioisotope_thermoelectric_generator
and, "some of these lighthouses cannot be found because of poor record keeping"

In my big list of All the Things It's Really Difficult to Lose, pretty near the top is "Giant concrete nuclear thing with a light on top".

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

relaxing
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 3:35 PM (UTC)

(Link)

siberia is big / siberia is dark / it's hard to find / the nuclear wessels / burma shave

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

quercus
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 3:46 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Shit, you have Nuclear Weasels? Scary.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

babasyzygy
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 8:12 PM (UTC)

(Link)

At night, the nuclear ice weasels come.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

ladykalessia
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 7:48 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Thank you, that made my morning.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

captain18
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 3:43 AM (UTC)

(Link)

Your comment is filled with win, sir.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

carnivillain
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 6:52 AM (UTC)

(Link)

This thread only gets better.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

elusis
Sat, 10-Jan-2009 6:27 AM (UTC)

(Link)

I am hoping the walls in this Best Western are thick enough that the people next door can't actually hear me giggling.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

insomnia
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 1:56 AM (UTC)

(Link)

How hard would it really be to find these lighthouses anyway?

(Hint: Use a geiger counter.)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

hattifattener
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 8:39 AM (UTC)

(Link)

Also hint: a lighthouse that isn't precisely marked on everybody's navigational charts is a useless lighthouse.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

fantasygoat
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 3:39 PM (UTC)

(Link)

How are you completely fucked now?

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

c9
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 3:41 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Yes! Forget the happy place, we're here for the pain! Yours, to be specific.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

quercus
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 3:46 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Yours would do just as well - we're equal opportunity ghouls.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

c9
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 3:51 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Each new post here brings me to a new level of shame over how minor my life's difficulties are. Today I'm in the Fourth Circle: Those With Runny Noses.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

lionsphil
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 7:43 PM (UTC)

(Link)

I would guess that the redacted bits hold the answer. And that jwz is not about to un-redact them if he's still talking to lawyers.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

specialagentm
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 4:14 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Well, if you want real results, I'd make The Internet Jesus your lawyer and lobbyist.

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

jsbowden
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 4:20 PM (UTC)

(Link)

As cool as Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones is, why are you completely fucked?

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

flipping_hades
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 4:43 PM (UTC)

(Link)

You have not been paying attention in class.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

pozorvlak
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 9:42 AM (UTC)

(Link)

Is it just me, or is "Soviet Nuclear Lighthouse Dead Zones" a great band name? Perhaps a club night.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

whohou
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 8:14 PM (UTC)

(Link)

It's pretty great, but Dead Zones seems a bit like a tack-on, (if the whole sentence is to be preserved.) How about just Soviet Nuclear Dead Zone[s], though?

Edited at 2009-01-09 08:16 pm (UTC)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

tyggerjai
Sat, 10-Jan-2009 1:02 AM (UTC)

(Link)

Dead Zones is the album name.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

elainegrey
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 4:30 PM (UTC)

(Link)

More details (2005) of extensive use of Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generators (RTG)s and their unsecured distribution throughout the former Soviet Union.

http://www.bellona.org/english_import_area/international/russia/navy/northern_fleet/incidents/37598

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

gryazi
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 12:59 AM (UTC)

(Link)

Good to see that link already dropped here; I could swear I might've snuck this into a comment on some post about a year ago when I found it, but my apologies if I didn't.

Of course, it'd be even cooler if they'd been adequately secured and continued operating versus becoming permanent hazmat sites due to scrap collectors, but so it goes. The need for regular maintenance to change bulbs sort of screws that dream anyway; it would've taken solid-state lighting to even hope they'd last for 50 years.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

hattifattener
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 8:35 AM (UTC)

(Link)

Or, say, those cool microwave-excited-sulfur-ball lights? I think they have a pretty long mttf.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

gryazi
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 11:35 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Good point. I can't remember how long it takes for the sulfur ball to ablate, if ever. Now there are these things (by Luxim) which are also promising when painfully high output is needed -- not entirely unlike the sulfur design but much more tuned.

Speaking of "painfully bright," here's something I was going to link but can't relocate: There was an interesting story about a modern lighthouse (in Japan, IIRC) which needed to be 'turned down' because it so bright that it was causing more trouble than it was solving. Wish I'd bookmarked that.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

rivetpepsquad
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 5:13 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Dude, this is my new imagery for my guided meditations. WIN!

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

perligata
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 5:18 PM (UTC)

(Link)

See, I told you Russians were awesome.

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

schwa242
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 5:26 PM (UTC)

(Link)

Neat. Free nuclear material for the taking. Why, the uses are limitless. I wonder if any nations would find it worth the trip, or worth hiring looters to grab.

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

kineticfactory
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 1:54 AM (UTC)

(Link)

I wonder how far away the nearest al-Qaeda power base is. Chechnya perhaps?

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

From:

theaggregator
Thu, 8-Jan-2009 6:00 PM (UTC)

(Link)

I can see it now... the great Soviet lighthouse hunters... trudging across the tundra... looking for abandoned hellholes.

On the other hand, I think Warren just might be looking for a new evil lair to blog from. Stock it with Red Bull, Silk Cuts and let him sit there soaking up radiation till he glows like manic firefly... and then he'll be ready to unleash himself on the world!

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

mcity
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 1:52 AM (UTC)

(Link)

But what is their zombie-defense potential?

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

rodgerd
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 6:15 AM (UTC)

This sort of thing is why...

(Link)

...when I hear people amping up nuclear generation as a solved problem, waste and all, I tend to think, "eh, not so much."

(Reply) (Thread)

From:

spoonyfork
Fri, 9-Jan-2009 1:20 PM (UTC)

(Link)

The need for recursive warnings for the warnings is delightfully ironic which leads us into the deliciously difficult task of warning future generations of your (their) problems when they have no concept of your language and culture. These future generational problems get so little of the attention they deserve.

http://dir.salon.com/story/people/feature/2002/05/10/yucca_mountain/

William McDonough tells an interesting story of how the Navajo told a Yucca Mountain DOE engineer, (paraphrasing) "don't worry about marking it, we'll tell everyone where your poison is."

(Reply) (Thread)