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Dog Condom Recall [Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:14 PM]
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[music |Lords of Acid -- Rubber Doll (Opus)]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE -- Bloomington, IN - August 3, 2005 -- Dog Condoms, Inc. is announcing a voluntary recall of its Dog Condoms® canine prophylactics, due to an unacceptable failure rate reported during preliminary release in test markets. Use of these recalled condoms may result in unwanted canine pregnancies. Additionally, meat-scented Dog Condoms® may present a choking hazard, especially for smaller dogs.

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]lilmissnever
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:25 PM (UTC)

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They're meat-scented. MEAT-SCENTED!
[User Picture]From: [info]suppafly
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:32 PM (UTC)

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hilarious
[User Picture]From: [info]pavel_lishin
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:45 PM (UTC)

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... scented?

Next they need meat-flavored, you know, for when ol' Yeller's feeling in the mood for some oral from that skanky bitch Puffy down the street.
[User Picture]From: [info]bitwise
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:50 PM (UTC)

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I love the psychological effects of them choosing the identical colors and fonts that Trojan uses.

I mean, everyone knew they were condoms before even reading the package, right?
[User Picture]From: [info]lars_larsen
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:59 PM (UTC)

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Or could it be a photoshopped hoax? I mean come on. DUH!
[User Picture]From: [info]fo0bar
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 10:47 PM (UTC)

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Besides the "this is too creepy to be true" feeling, an obvious giveaway is "Dog Condoms®". You can't register a trademark for something that describes the product. That would be like me starting a laptop business and registering "Laptop Computer®".
[User Picture]From: [info]lars_larsen
Tue, 9-Aug-2005 12:04 AM (UTC)

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Good point. I didnt notice that.

The "this is too creepy to be true" thing isnt enough to prove its a hoax. After all, Neuticles are real.
[User Picture]From: [info]flim_flam
Tue, 9-Aug-2005 8:46 AM (UTC)

Pirate Dog's Nads

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It's now in the Press Release archive on their site, but this press release made me blink the first time I saw the Neuticles pages a few years ago:

Counterfeiters Target Patented Neuticles For Pets
"They Are Stealing Everything" Says Inventor

Released June 26, 2000

[User Picture]From: [info]omni_ferret
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 10:54 PM (UTC)

RTFA

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For one thing, the article has a caption for the picture, calling it a prototype. So yeah, it's not a photograph.

For another, it's got a FAQ: What About Female Condoms for Bitches?
[User Picture]From: [info]korgmeister
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 10:32 PM (UTC)

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Nah, I had to look. But I use Ansells.
[User Picture]From: [info]ctudball
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:54 PM (UTC)

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Possibly the best thing ever.
[User Picture]From: [info]fa_jing
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 9:57 PM (UTC)

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I'm confused. Are they "FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE" or are they being recalled?
[User Picture]From: [info]pauraque
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 10:23 PM (UTC)

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"For immediate release" refers to the press release itself, not the product.
[User Picture]From: [info]flipzagging
Tue, 9-Aug-2005 12:36 AM (UTC)

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Maybe it's a slogan, about satisfying doggie urges quickly.
[User Picture]From: [info]fa_jing
Tue, 9-Aug-2005 12:41 AM (UTC)

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I'm not sure if you're joking, but I was.
[User Picture]From: [info]asan102
Wed, 10-Aug-2005 11:07 PM (UTC)

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HILARIOUS.
[User Picture]From: [info]c0nsumer
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 10:06 PM (UTC)

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Hmm, I wonder if they've got a built in knot space instead of a reservoir tip.
[User Picture]From: [info]gytterberg
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 11:13 PM (UTC)

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Okay, I wasn't grossed out by this until you said that.
[User Picture]From: [info]grumpy_sysadmin
Fri, 12-Aug-2005 9:57 AM (UTC)

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Obviously, they need to redesign to make better use of the knot if they're having failures in the field.
From: [info]bloodied_velvet
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 10:16 PM (UTC)

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So every time a stray dog wants to come along and hump my leg, I have to stop him and tell him to put a condom on otherwise it is not on?

Coming soon: Trojans..for horses.
[User Picture]From: [info]duskwuff
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 11:28 PM (UTC)

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No links handy, but such things really do exist.
[User Picture]From: [info]lars_larsen
Tue, 9-Aug-2005 12:12 AM (UTC)

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[User Picture]From: [info]duskwuff
Tue, 9-Aug-2005 2:00 AM (UTC)

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Exactly. Thanks.
[User Picture]From: [info]tijuanacartel
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 11:19 PM (UTC)

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am I the only one who thinks these things are only thinly veiled as for dog-to-dog use? think about it...
[User Picture]From: [info]duskwuff
Tue, 9-Aug-2005 2:16 AM (UTC)

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See above - they exist for horses, why don't dogs get them too?
[User Picture]From: [info]grumpy_sysadmin
Fri, 12-Aug-2005 9:58 AM (UTC)

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Because dogs don't produce enough ejaculate that you can't fluff them functionally without a bag to put it in.
[User Picture]From: [info]duskwuff
Fri, 12-Aug-2005 7:59 PM (UTC)

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Well, actually...

The canine sexual response is, for whatever reason, significantly different from what is seen in most other mammals. Ejaculation begins shortly after arousal, but mating continues for up to 15 minutes, as a portion of the male's sexual organ swells into what is commonly known as the "knot", physically locking him within the female. Horses, on the other hand, respond much like humans do - if anything, one would probably end up with more of a mess "fluffing" a dog than with a stallion.

(Yes, I know a disturbing amount about this. Yes, I have my reasons, and you can probably figure them out, too. Yes, you may feel free to flame me for them.)
From: [info]richpav
Mon, 8-Aug-2005 11:34 PM (UTC)

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Brought to you by the same folks who created MasturbateForPeace.com and ViagraPhilosophy.com
[User Picture]From: [info]fastfwd
Thu, 11-Aug-2005 1:13 AM (UTC)

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This has got to be a joke. I mean, in light of how things work with the dog.
[User Picture]From: [info]duskwuff
Fri, 12-Aug-2005 8:33 PM (UTC)

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Actually, it's pretty reasonable, as long as you can come up with a good way of putting the thing on before things, ah, get started.
[User Picture]From: [info]fastfwd
Sat, 13-Aug-2005 2:04 AM (UTC)

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No, what I was thinking of was the, uh, mechanics of the dog's, uh, mechanics.

Oh, hell, enough coyness. The dog's penis actually telescopes and gets longer. Which means if you put a condom on it before things get started, the condom will be too large and fall off.

Of course, if this is real and not a hoax, maybe there's a way around that. Is there a veterinarian in the house?

I just had a vision of Dr. Ruth for canines. Dog help us all (I'm dyslexic).
[User Picture]From: [info]duskwuff
Sat, 13-Aug-2005 3:39 AM (UTC)

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Actually, not exactly. The dog's penis doesn't "telescope", exactly - there's a bone, the os penis, in it*, so the length can't vary all that much. What you're probably thinking of is the extension of the penis from the prepuce, commonly known as the "sheath". It's a significantly different erectile process from that seen in humans.

(Again: I know much more about this than you'd expect, and some minor research will show why. You'd probably rather not*** know, though.)

*: Interestingly enough, this structure is found in most** mammals except the primates.
**: The only other exceptions I can think of are the horse and the dolphin.
***: knot? Eehee.
[User Picture]From: [info]fastfwd
Sat, 13-Aug-2005 1:51 PM (UTC)

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I stand corrected. :)

From: [info]irma_vep
Thu, 11-Aug-2005 9:26 PM (UTC)

enticement

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Maybe we should put opiates in condoms for humans, so guys will want to use them more......